it's so odd to find out how many of your hang ups are cultural

i find that i write journal entries in my head all day long. about the different kinds of vehicles on the road - autorickshaws, bikes and scooters and motorcycles -evidently motorcycles and scooters aren't the same things, cars, trucks and ox driven carts. the sounds of india - mosquitos, crows, the roosters in the morning, the honking of cars. the different kinds of wildlife that you learn to live with.

there's this weird take on love here. if you fall in love, it's assumed that you'll marry that person. so there's this fear of falling for the wrong person. or of telling anyone.

hahaha

sound familiar?

i find that i'm rather happy that i've loved and lost. that there have been right guys at the wrong time, and all those wrong boys at the right time. the little loves. the idea of a big one. there is a beauty in it that i had forgotten. that i was reminded of by listening to my aunts tell me of their longing to have fallen in love once, just once, so that they'd know what that felt like.

i am very lucky to have grown up where i have. india has so many restrictions on women. and most of them, they place on themselves. it's odd. more on this later.