choices

there is an amazing amount of relinquishing of control here. the ability to be an adult. now, it comes in handy when you're not expected to attend certain events that you would have to otherwise. but as a female, it's very odd. all the cousins on my mothers side, we're all unmarried, so we're treated like kids. at 20, this was reassuring and helped recenter me during a very difficult time. at 29, it has forced a reemergence of my stubborn independent streak. i'm grateful for it.

when i'm at my parents house, i view it as a vacation. and i'm languid and lazy there in a way that i'm not when i don't live in dc.

i've had a marriage proposal. ha. it was more like a CV dropped off for my perusal. it was odd. the boy had been educated in scotland and norway and was currently living in paris, yet he was going back to nagercoil for a wife. and his way of being progressive was to insist on getting to know the girl before marriage. i was told by my aunt that if i had grown up in india, this proposal would have been taken seriously.

counting blessings.

there are so very many restrictions on what women choose to do. some are imposed by family and culture and area that you grew up in. and so very many are self imposed by this idea that someone is always watching and judging. it's very very odd.

i'm glad that i've woken up. it's about damn time.